New Growth

People ask why they 'go quiet' 'why they get stagnated and cannot read'
I asked this question myself of my guide and this is what was said

And as the snow settles on the ground. The earth begins its sleep. The grass stops growing and the summer seeds turn hard.
This is the time for the land to rest and get ready for new growth.
When the snow melts and the sun shines the grass is once more ready to grow. It will grow more stronger than before. It looks similar but is definitely not the  same. The seeds will begin to germinate and bloom.
This is the cycle of the seasons.

The same is said for your mediumship. You cannot expect to continue to grow without rest.
You cannot truly work hard each day without sleep, then how
do you expect to grow spiritually without rest.
As your mind quietens, the work is done silently and laboriously.
Then as you begin a new stretch of your journey you will see that although you feel the same you are not, new heights have been brought to you. This is not a one way thing you have to allow this growth, this time of peace. It is also a time of important work. Do not worry or try to stop this growth. You will see in time like the seasons things will change, and you will be ready to bloom again.

No right nor wrong

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow, instead walk beside me

Strong words thought invoking but what do they really mean. To me they mean that there is no leader, nor follower, that there is no right or wrong way. So long as you live your life to the best you can and do it in a way so as not to hurt others then your way is right.
We are programmed as children it is like a little cassette that is slotted into our heads. We are given our parent’s thoughts; opinions and we are given their prejudices and weaknesses. We are taught their way. This isn’t our way we have to find our way. If you look at the way you do something. Then seeing someone do the same thing differently do you immediately think ‘ oh they are doing it wrong’ or do you acknowledge that their way is just as good as yours. They are just programmed to do it differently.
What we have to do is find our own way in this life. This is no easy thing; to break the programming that we have been given from childhood is hard. I was always taught that my elders knew best, not to answer back. So I went for years accepting things I was blamed for, as surely they wouldn’t accuse me if I didn’t deserve it. I also went through a period of not speaking up as my father was very authorities figure I feared anyone in authority. This little child would emerge at any confrontation, and I wouldn’t say what I felt nor corrected them if they were wrong I just accepted.
When my daughter was born she was 3 months premature jaundiced and weighted 2lb. I went to my local church a church I had attended for 20 years and I spoke to the Monsignor who knew me so well. I had stood on the altar week after week leading in Psalms, singing hymns and reading from the testaments. This man knew I was dedicated to god and my faith, When I approached him he asked me when I got married I told him and he said’ oh I don’t’ remember that’ I said no Monsignor I got married in a registry office. This man I had admired for years run me from his church and told me to come back when I was married. My daughter who had fought for life was refused a baptism. I never ever went back to that church. My daughter was 7 when she finally got baptised by another church in another area. In my eyes my daughter was being punished for something I had done wrong. Although now I see it wasn’t wrong and I should have spoken up at the time.
Looking at that I think who was right or wrong me for not getting married in a church or the priest for following the church rules. The answer is no one. We had both done what we thought right at the time.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about my life and the things I had achieved, I had done them with the help of people I love and admire. I thank my Ex husband for beating me as he made me the strong person I am today. I thank the priest for letting me see that being on my knees all the time was not the only way to love god. And I thank the people who have hurt me because without that hurt I cannot appreciate the people I love more.
Life is a funny old thing, we crave it sometimes and hate it others. But without it we wouldn’t feel love, we wouldn’t breathe in the freshness of the morning air or feel the coolness of the rain upon our skin. We wouldn’t feel our heart flip as we first pick up a newborn child. We wouldn’t cry the tears of sadness that clears our soul and eases our emotions. We wouldn’t know the wonder of being in touch with our love ones who have gone home. Without really living life and experiencing it we wouldn’t have any of that we would just exist. And existence is boring. To not feel pain or happiness to not feel dislike nor love would not enable us to grow and it is this growth this personal growth we need to move on in life.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow, instead walk beside me                

Responsibility

There are two things that are definite in ours lives. We are born and we will die.

The bits in between are completely up to us and although I do believe there is a plan it is our choice to make the most of that plan.

We can sit in woe and wonder why things go so wrong or we can make the most of the bad things and build upon them. I know this sounds easy it isn’t I am not saying it is however in order to be in control of our lives we have to take responsibility for them. We can blame others all we want we can try and shift our thoughts of blame onto those close to us if we wish. But at then end of the day people can only ‘get to us’ if we allow them to.

Now I am not saying that everything is our fault it isn’t.  A battered partner is brought down to their knees by abuse both verbally and physically. This is not their fault they are a victim. It takes a lot of strength to break that cycle of abuse because once it has begun it is so hard to believe there is anything different.

Once breaking free they can carry on blaming there ex partner for everything that goes wrong in their life or they can forgive move on and make a better life.

This is taking control and responsibility.

You know when I first came away from my abusive relationship I blamed by ex for everything, everything bad that happened in my life was his fault everything good was a blip he had not been able to control. This carried on for years even my new partner got the blame. Until in the end some mad woman called Vi Kipling taught me that I had to be responsible for me.

Now and again I fall back I am not saying I don’t. Things go wrong and I find myself blaming others when in reality it isn’t their fault. It is circumstances, These unsettling things try us, it takes a strong person to stop and look at what is going on from a different angle. Once you do this you will see no one is really to blame. Things don’t just happen, they get out of control because we allow them too we have to be responsible and say No it stops now.

The past few months for me have been very very trying. I won’t bore you with the details, it got so bad I wanted to just turn my back on the things that I loved so much Little things escalated into major things without even trying and yes I blamed everyone but me. During this I was shown love was told a few home truths and I wanted others to hurt like I was hurting. It would have been so easy to just walk away to forget it, turn my back on the people I love most. But I knew I couldn’t. These people are my life, are in my life and whether I liked it or not deep down I wanted them to stay there. I took a step back and I looked at it. I found that it wasn’t all their fault part of it was mine too Gradually I knew I had to take responsibility for my own actions I wasn’t ashamed to say I was sorry. Nor was I too hurt to accept apologies. Things will never be the same as before they will be better we will build on it because the one thing that holds us all together is the thing we couldn’t break and that was love, the love of each other and of our work. The outside factor is still there but I am able to deal with it in a more positive way.

Before you start blaming others for things that go wrong in your life look at it logically look at the whole equation and if there is an inkling that you are at fault too, Push your pride to one side be strong and be the first to say I am sorry.

Life

The answers to all your questions is within you. The key is to dig deep enough to find them,
Some have found their answers and tried to put them to others as fact. When they are not, they are 'their answers' they are not necessarily good for you.
You have to listen carefully to what is being said. By ignoring what you know or have discovered only prolongs the inevitable
The spirit incarnate is something that should be admired for its knowledge and beauty yet man doesn’t go that deep they stay on the surface.
By doing this they fail to meet the real person the real spirit. It isn’t about material things it isn’t about looks; it is about the knowledge, love and beauty that is deep within.
Sometimes in your life you will meet someone who you feel safe with someone who makes your heart feel light, who makes you smile when times are rough. This person has also reached their own spirit and understands.
I will say people are here for a part of the journey in your life. Once that journey is complete the person will move on. You don’t try to stop them as they have lessons to learn too. Your longing does not come into it and if you reach deep down into your own soul you will know that by making them stay will only make them unhappy. Is that what you really want?
Others will come in with false faces. These are there again to either teach or learn a lesson. And again they are only there for a part of the journey however this part is always shorter.
Accept that these things happen. And move on from the lesson. By not moving on you will be halted on your journey.
Life and living in a minuet part of the whole life. The journey began before you got here it doesn’t end. You continue to grow and live.
As each lesson is learned a new one will begin. Enjoy your journey. Yes there will be tears and yes you will hurt sometimes. But surely these things are part of the lesson too. To appreciate the good we have to appreciate the bad to.
Have you ever tasted a sour apple or orange? The bitterness in your mouth makes your mouth cringe and your eyes water. Then when you bite into your next apple or orange you do so more carefully but once you taste the sweetness you eat it and enjoy it.
The same is said for the lessons in life.

Be Thankful

As sure as the leaves will fall from the trees.
As sure as the rivers continue to flow.
As sure the clouds will float in the sky.
That is how sure I am of continuance of life.

Each day something reminds me of the past. Some good. Some bad. But each day when I see this I thank god that I am here, that I am able to feel this and see the effects my past has on my future. I look into the eyes of my son and I see the eyes of the man that tried to destroy me, and I am thankful. For this man gave me the son I adore he gave me so much to be grateful for.
I look into the smile of my grand daughter and I see the smile of my mother who died long ago and I am thankful in her my mother lives on.
I hear the giggle of my youngest grand son and it reminds me of the inner child in me that is still there. I join in the laughter and I am thankful.
In life we have so much to be thankful for. Yes it isn’t easy and yes sometimes it really hurts. But then the simple things the little tiny things remind us of what we have got.
I have met some lovely people in my life some are still around me and some have moved on. Each one has touched my life in different ways. Some have brought learning some laughter and some just themselves. But each one made my life a better place. And without the hurts I don’t think I would realise that.
Sometimes it is hard not to dwell on the hurts, not to feel sorry for ourselves but during this just take a little look around you and see what you have still got. A family member, A good friend A pet it doesn’t matter which, don’t let hurts get in the way of living. Yes you need time to heal and adjust but it is the simple things that help us heal. Just sitting in a park watching children feed the ducks, or listening to the sound of laughter from a schoolyard, makes you feel alive. Makes you realise that although you may have suffered you are still here, you are still alive and able to enjoy the simple things in life.
Be thankful for the air you breathe for the laughter and for the loves be thankful for the flowers, the trees and the grass.
Walk barefoot on the grass and feel the nature between your toes and take yourself back to childhood.
This is not a trial run we cannot come back and do it ‘properly’ next time, so why waste it wishing for better things when you have them already
Be thankful, as it is this humility that will see you through the harder times.

As the world  starts to prepare for it's sleep. and the nights draw cold. Think about the year that has just gone. Was it happy, sad. Was it memorable or do you want to forget all about it.

You see even the bad things are memories. Memories that have touched your life. Some you will forget some you will always keep near to you.

I once had a friend who told me that  little things always bring on bigger things. This friend also told me that  you should never ever regret, Don't look back always look forward. Sometimes this is hard, especially when it is people that you have to move on from. And yet it is possible. Looking back at the past with a smile instead of a frown. Remembering the laughter and the fun instead of the sadness, Makes the past worthwhile.

I had another friend who taught me all about prejudices and although I have never been prejudice in my life, she made me see things from her point of view. Sometimes I disagreed with what she was telling me, although I respected her thoughts, just because they were different from mine didn't make them wrong.

This friend also taught me to let people in and love again. And whilst  I no longer see her she will always have a special place in my heart,

Once in a while I sit and remember the silliness, the laughter and yes the tears, I do so with a smile. because these have all been lessons that I have  learned. To be able to tell a near perfect stranger your deepest thoughts,  is telling you, you have let down the barriers and started to live again.

The past 12 months for me have been a rollercoaster of emotion, letting people go and saying hello to new people is not easy. Now that I am coming to the end of that year I look back, do I regret any of it?. some I guess. However I cannot change what is done. I don't miss sitting at a pc night after night dealing with idiots who like to take the Mick out of you because your a Medium. . But I do miss some of the people. I don't miss, having to  conform to a silly regime yet I do miss teaching. I don't miss 'Performing' yet I do miss circle. As for the friends associated with this, yes I do miss some of them. because they also brought me great Joy great laughter and I am grateful for that time with them.

So what now well now I am a lone solider. I am happy because I am still bringing comfort to those around me and those that come for readings. I always said that one day I would without doubt bring the ultimate proof of spirit survival. Now this is not to be not in this lifetime anyway perhaps in the next one.  Do I regret that, no not really it just wasn't meant to be.

So you see sometimes you just have to do what is best, go with the flow. you cant make people stay in your life. You cant make people love you. And whilst you may give all you have to give. some well, some just like to take and once they have taken all, they go simple as that. But you have learned a lesson. never doubt that. Remember the good times not the bad and you will be ok.

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When you make a decision. you do so without knowing all the facts, that is why it is called a decision. In reality if you knew the facts you would have no decision to make. Even if your decision is the wrong one. Learn to love it anyway. For you made it.

 

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